What to do
April 27, 2011
One of the first days back to my home after the memorial, I sat down to read the Bible. But I couldn’t see. The patches that I had been given to help my dizziness from the concussion worked very well for their intended purpose, but made my vision very poor. My sister-in-law noticed my dilemma and asked me if I wanted her to read to me. She opened the Bible “randomly” and read from some verses that were already underlined.
“How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you. Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it’.” Isaiah 30:19-21
It’s hard to describe what a relief those verses brought to my soul. Tears ran down my face as I felt a sense of hope that I will know what to do. I determined at that moment to wait to make decisions until I heard the voice of God.
Waiting for the voice was very difficult though. Here’s my journal entry from Christmas Eve 2004, four weeks after the accident:
“Christmas eve came without my permission. I tried all day to pretend that it wasn’t here. Finally, the tears came anyway. And fear. What will I do and where will I go? It’s easier, and feels safer to stay in a fairy tale world – pretending it didn’t’ happen, reading a book and living in that story, daydreaming of past or present or future, just so it’s not the real present.
What time I am afraid I will put my trust in you….well, Lord, I’m afraid. Help me trust in you And believe that you are enough.”
I decision to believe and a decision to wait for God’s voice is only the beginning of the process. That decision has to be made over and over again. But God is faithful. He does answer, in His time.
You were so fragile at that time, in your own mind. I remember the tears that fell from myself and my family for you and the loss of JL and the kids that Christmas. I knew with God’s will and help you would survive and go on to do something great, because the Lord I know would not have allowed that to happen unless He had something planned for you. I was a widow and knew how hard that was, but I didn’t lose my kids at the same time. I don’t think I could have been strong enough to wait for God’s word and to survive. I miss you every day and we love you very much.
Crystal,
I am so grateful for your prayers, your tears, your friendship…..
Such a sign to read that so early. this is just amazing to me. 🙂